im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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