I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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