I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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