I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
