Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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