the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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