I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
