I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
