why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
