I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
