how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
