when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize