I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
vagina is talking i cant
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
