I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
