when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
