So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
