Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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