I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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