I think i peed on brittanys purse
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
