I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
