drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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