Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
