So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
