Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
