i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize