You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
