There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
