would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
