It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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