So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
