we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
