Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
