I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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