I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
