How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
