This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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