So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
