Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
