Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
sarcasm needs its own font
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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