Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
