you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
