My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
