Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
