Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize