We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
