i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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