Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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