that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
