My brain says no but my pants say off.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
