Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
