I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
