omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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