threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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