i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
