a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
