whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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