The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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