trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
