Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
