I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
