let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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