Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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