I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
