dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
