Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
