Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
