This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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