I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize