My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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