New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
