I can't breathe out the right side of my face
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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