this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
