Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
