My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
