Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
