If that was your dad, he is hot
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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