You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
