Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
