if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize