Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
