hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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