He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize