I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
