Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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