White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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