moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
