you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
