so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
