sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize