Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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