trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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