Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
