I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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