there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize