so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
