Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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