i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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