Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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