she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
