Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
