I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
