Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
