Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
