Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
