no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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