i jhust puked up my retainher.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
