I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
